


No Stranger To Grief

by TennesseeHoney



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Eren - Freeform, He's old and tired and he wants to go home, Introspective Levi, M/M, One Shot, Other characters are mentioned but mainly focused on Levi and Eren, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Psychological, Winter, few mentions of blood and description of death, poor eren, poor levi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-09 00:08:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8868406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TennesseeHoney/pseuds/TennesseeHoney
Summary: Levi is no stranger to grief. But somehow, this was different.





	

Levi was no stranger to grief.

And yet, somehow this moment felt different from anything he'd experienced. When he remembered grief he pictured horror, crushing angst and paralyzing disbelief. Followed by a swell of fury, irrepressible force, and unbridled screams impacting the world around him. He mourned and the universe mourned with him, responding in kind with it's own language of thundering skies and pouring rain. 

But this was different.

Levi understood well that there is no telling how people will react to trauma until they are facing it head on. Some men thought to be the bravest will freeze in fear, or panic and break ranks. Others will develop a false sense of bravado fueled by a kick of adrenaline and head towards the danger, ignoring the commands of their captain. Everyone reacts to grief, Levi has found. No matter how self-destructive, subtle, or ineffective, the fact remains that everyone responds to grief. 

This is something that occurs to Levi while he is standing over Eren's lifeless body. He thinks of it because he is not reacting, not responding at all. His heartbeat remains steady, his breathing is calm and his thoughts are clear. He thinks vaguely back to the pure grief he felt when he lost Isabel and Farlan. Then to the numbing weariness and cold ache of when he lost his squad. He does not feel anything now. 

In the back of his mind Levi always knew Eren would die, and he always knew he would be the one to witness it. Still, it does not feel right. He imagined Eren's death to be rather grand in a way. Eren wouldn't go down without a fight. He would die as fierce and unapologetic as he lived, his death would be a spectacular event. Levi doesn't quite know why he reserved this sentiment for Eren. He was always aware that his other comrades could die at any given moment under any circumstance. But then again, there was always a sort of other-worldly aspect to Eren. It was as though he was apart of something far bigger then just the survey corp. 

Never did it once occur to Levi that Eren would die like this. It's almost ridiculously simple. As if he died this way on purpose just to taunt him. Levi recounts the events in his head. Erwin had noticed Eren was beginning to fold in on himself, becoming quiet and withdrawn. Even to Armin and Mikasa he could be unresponsive. Erwin suggested Levi separate Eren from the group under the guise of training him. Perhaps in private Eren would be more willing to open up and talk about what was bothering him, especially around someone he respected and could talk to on equal grounds. Levi thought that Erens apparent admiration of him was why Erwin had chosen him for the task rather then someone else better suited to encouraging conversation. He thought sourly to himself that Erens admiration of him had likely diminished upon meeting him, but he trusted Erwin's judgement and didn't question him. 

He and Eren had ventured from the barracks and into the edge of the forest. The trees were icy with last nights frost. Levi did not warn Eren that the ice would make the trees dangerously slippery to land on if he did not have a good grip. It would be such an obvious statement that Levi knew it would come off as condescending, as though he was scolding a child, rather then talking to a soldier. It did not occur to Levi that Eren had never encountered frost before. That he had never been in a cold enough climate, that he had no experience with cold weather in general, let alone when using 3dmg gear. 

There was no noise apart from a gentle thud. In fact it was the lack of noise that concerned Levi. The whirring, mechanical grind of Eren's 3dmg gear behind him had stopped. Levi had landed carefully on the ground in a soft layer of white snow and turned around expecting to see Eren perched upon a branch. Instead he saw Eren's body in tangle of cables hanging from the tree, bleeding profusely onto the snow below him. Levi registered that he must of come in to land on the branch to quickly, slipped, and gotten caught up in his gear. The metal cables had sliced at his skin and, most devastatingly, completely decapitated him. Eren would not be able to regenerate. 

Levi felt nothing. He did not move. he stood frozen staring at Eren's body. The forest was completely silent in the way death usually isn't. Death, Levi decided, was not beautiful of poetic. Death was an inevitable, yet vicious, crass and brutal affair that was to be avoided at all costs. 

Levi could picture himself doing the right thing. Cradling Eren's body in his arms, bringing him back to the barracks and laying him down gently while explaining the situation to Erwin in hushed weary tones. He would then look Armin and Mikasa in the eye and apologize and accept any anger directed his way. He would then discuss with Hanji and Erwin what they were to do next and what this would mean for the survery corp. 

Levi also imagined himself not going anywhere near Erens body. He would just turn and walk away. He would keep walking until he was far away from the life he had worked so hard to build and the bonds he had formed through years of trust and respect. The survey corp had carved itself into his soul, it was apart of his identity. But in this moment he could envision himself walking away without second thought. He would keep going until he reached a spot where no one knew his name or legacy. far away as he could be from the survey corp. He would start his life over, maybe open small tea shop, something he could focus on so he wouldn't have to think of other things. He would live out his life in solitude and silence and forget his previous life. 

Levi didn't do either of the things he envisioned. He stood perfectly still unable to move, gaze shifting from Eren's body hanging from the tree to his brown mattered hair on the forest floor framing the wide sea-green eyes that were staring back at him. Levi finally responded. All at once he felt something wash right over him and pierce him to his core.

Regret.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm pretty sure Eren has actually encountered snowy weather before, but for the sake of the story I'm going to pretend otherwise lol. Also, I wrote this at 1am so I'm sorry if it's a bit hard to read or clunky at times, I might polish it up a bit later on.   
> xxx


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